


Dating Theory

by SirPrize



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Dating, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, LaFerry - Freeform, One good date, Posing as Laf, Putting a Spin on the Dean, Terrible dates, Vampire with intimacy issues, dating profile
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8531395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirPrize/pseuds/SirPrize
Summary: We do weird things for our friends, but posing as Lafontaine and going on dates is probably the weirdest thing Laura has ever done. Finding a match for her ginger friend turns out to be harder than expected, especially when it turns out one of the prospects is a dark-haired, snarky vampire. The girl is a terrible match for Laf, yet Laura keeps agreeing to dates with the girl.Meanwhile, Carmilla isn't too thrilled with this online dating thing her roommate forced on her. Yet when her first blind date turns out to be an easily flustered cupcake, she can't resist sticking around to push her buttons. When feelings get involved, how will they deal with the truth and Carmilla's 'slightly strained' family relations?





	1. Lying Is Such A Loaded Term

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smartassducky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartassducky/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Creampuffs!
> 
> I got a prompt from none other than my lovely beta reader, smartassducky, and...well...behold the result! Or...chapter 1 of the result, at least. I hope you guys will enjoy reading!
> 
> Ducky, you'll see the other chapters soon!

“You know I’m terrible at lying!” Laura protested once again. They’d been having this argument for quite a while now.

“Lying is such a loaded term.” Lafontaine answered, smiling sheepishly. “Think of it as…controlled experiments. Social science, I guess.”

 “You want me to scam unsuspecting people!” Laura protested in a stubborn tone. She crossed her arms and put on what she’d named her resolve face. Lafontaine knew better than to push when she wore her resolve face.

Not this time, though.

“Not scam!” Lafontaine seemed genuinely offended by the notion. “ _Test_. It’s just a social experiment.” They had the decency to blush slightly. “Which…you know…involves you pretending to be me and dating people. Eventually, they may or may not end up meeting me and everything will be fine either way.”

“Oh, that’ll go over great.” Laura muttered dryly. “Do I just politely explain why I’ve been wasting their time on date three or something?” Even for a morning person like her, it was way too early for crap like this.

“Frosh, don’t be difficult.” The redhead groaned as if Laura was the one being unreasonable. They held up Laura’s iPad and pointed at the dating profile. “See? No picture and I made the profile to resemble both of us a bit. You go on one or two dates, report back to me, and if you think the person would be a match for me you tell them you just want to be friends so I can move in.”

Lafontaine put the tablet down again and gave their friend the kind of smile Laura had come to associate with explosions and property damage. “After that, well…make room for Laf, I suppose.” When Laura didn’t smile back, their expression turned slightly pleading. “Come on, nobody’s getting hurt and you said you wanted to do some sort of personal connections piece.”

As she listened to them attempt to sell her on this “experiment”, Laura remembered quite clearly meeting Lafontaine for the first time. She’d been impressively behind on an English Lit paper and, more importantly, completely out of cookies. She’d resigned herself to making something in her dorm’s communal kitchen with what little she had in her room, but when she got there, it became clear that cooking would be…inconvenient.

The room had been clouded by thick, bright green smoke that smelled faintly of apples and someone in a stained lab coat and goggles was frantically trying to beat out a burning chair, while trying not to step in the green goo that was spilling from a large pan that was boiling over.

“What in hell or Hogwarts is going on?!” Laura rushed over to the stove to turn it off, but the frantic ginger called out a warning to her.

“Do not touch that!” They yelled. “It will eat through your skin. In fact I’m pretty sure it’s also eating through the pan.”

Laura looked again and jumped back with a squeak when she noticed that wasn’t a joke. Where the green sludge touched the stove, the metal appeared to be peeling away.

“Also, you may want to cover your nose and mouth.” The ginger added. “You really shouldn’t be breathing this in.”

It was only now that Laura noticed that this person had a dishrag wrapped around their face and with another squeak she quickly pulled the collar of her shirt up to cover her nose and mouth.

“Oh my god, is this poisonous?! Did you fill our kitchen with poison gas? Why would you fill our kitchen with poison gas?!”

“It’s not poisonous.” The redhead’s tone implied that this was the dumbest thing they’d ever heard. “It’s just that it’ll get you really high and- _SHIT!_ ” The rag they’d been beating the flames out with caught fire and they tossed it away, straight into the pan where it actually dissolved, to Laura’s mounting horror.

Suddenly the bubbling stopped and there was moment of tense silence, followed by a very ominous rumbling as the pan began to shake. Laura pointed at it frantically.

“What the hell is happening?! Why is the jar of boiling silly putty shaking?”

“I can fix this! It’s just…detonating.” The ginger frantically began looking through the cupboards. “I just need to figure out what went wrong in the next 10 seconds and find something to counter- _whoa!_ ”

The moment Laura heard the word detonate, she was already moving out of some primal instinct. She grabbed the mad scientist by the collar of their shirt and dragged them out of the kitchen and around the corner just in time. There was a loud, dull “thwomp” like someone had dropped something particularly heavy followed by splattering and squelching.

When the noise died down the scientist wiggled free to look around the corner and made a strangled noise.

“Aw, fuck.” They stripped off their goggles and dishrag and sank to their knees, the picture of defeat. “I’m dead. I’m so dead. This is how my life ends. I always knew science would be involved somehow.”

Laura looked around the corner as well and couldn’t hold back a shocked giggle. The kitchen was their floor don’s pride and joy and she kept it clean to a slightly germophobic standard. You’d never have been able to tell it was even being used, let alone that it the people using it were mostly students who barely knew how to cook.

It wasn’t so pristine anymore, however.

Everything in the room was coated in a fine layer of green goo. _Everything._ And whereas it had smelled of apples before, there was now the sickly sweet smell of rotting fruit drifting from the room with the green smoke.

It shouldn’t have been funny, but the kitchen was so utterly ruined that it was sort of amusing. She found herself still giggling even as she tried to comfort the distraught redhead.

“Hey it’s…well. It’s not okay, but it’s not like anyone is going to trace this back to you. If campus security asks, I won’t tell.” Some of the goo fell from the wall and landed with a loud plop and she had to bite back her giggles again.

“Campus security?” The redhead asked. “Fuck them. They are so low on the list of my problems that the list would be 60 pages long in Word!” They looked at the kitchen again and let out a pitiful moan. “Oh god, Perry’s going to kill me when she sees what I’ve done to the kitchen. Why did it have to be the kitchen?”

Laura blinked in confusion. She knew that name.

“Perry? As in Lola Perry? As in super sweet, hyper polite, would not hurt a fly floor don Perry?” She asked, incredulous.

Big, panicked eyes looked up at her.

“You’ve no idea.” The redhead whispered. “The things she’ll do to me. She won’t talk to me for a month.” They adopted the sort of thousand yard stare that Laura had only seen on documentaries about WWII veterans and shivered.

That also shouldn’t have made Laura giggle, but the thought that anyone could fear Perry had been amusing to her before she actually came to know the girl. In fact, everything was kind of funny. She shook the unintentional kitchen bomber to gain their attention.

“It’s fine. It’s fine. You get a mop and I’ll open the window to get rid of the smoke.”

The redhead looked up at her as if she was the greatest person to ever live.

“I-Yes! I’ll go get a mop. I’m Lafontaine, by the way.” The last part was hurled over their shoulder as they sprinted to the cupboard down the hall.

“I’m Laura! Nice to…meet you.” She trailed off lamely and shook her head, before stomping into the room. The green goo had thankfully lost its corrosive factor, but now stuck to her soles like super glue. Just walking across the room made for more exercise than she’d engaged in all week. Of course the window was covered in the green gunk too, but after a few tries she managed to get it open. “Ha! Who says brute force never solved anything?” Laura tried to do a victory dance, but nearly face-planted halfway through because her feet were stuck to the floor.

Cleaning turned out to be kind of a fruitless effort. The goo seemed to repel water like oil did and any cleaning fluids just got absorbed somehow to make more green goo.

“What were you even trying to do when you made this green goo?” Laura asked, before sniggering. “Hey, that rhymes.” Her head felt all weird and fluffy.

Lafontaine eyed them strangely for a moment, before turning back to the mop which was now stuck to the floor and refusing to budge.

“I was trying to make candles.” They muttered, smiling sheepishly. “I’m not sure how I made this, but I’m going to need a sample. If I can recreate it, I’ve probably got a guaranteed A this semester.”

Laura snorted and clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. “Candles?”

“Yeah, like scented candles. It’s Perry’s birthday next week.”

Still giggling, Laura looked around at the aftermath of a ghostbusters movie that was their communal kitchen.

“Candles. You were trying to make candles and you made…I don’t even know what this is. Were they at least _supposed_ to be apple-scented?” She asked, shaking her head to clear it. If anything, it made her feel weirder.

Laf looked a little sheepish as they tugged on the mop again. “Actually they were supposed to smell like lavender.”

Laura really did burst out laughing this time.

“Lavender! And you somehow got to apples! Apples. _Apples!”_ She doubled over, shaking with laughter and repeating the world apples because she felt weird and giggly and apples was a funny word.

“Oooh boy.” Laf muttered as she walked over, the floor squelching loudly with every step, which just made Laura laugh harder.

“Frosh, look at me for a sec.” The biology major said, tilting the brunette’s head up to look them in the eye. The redhead whistled softly when they noticed just how dilated Laura’s pupils were. “Yup, you’re just high as a kite aren’t you, Frosh?”

“Wha-noooooo.” Laura said, waving Lafontaine’s concerns off. “I don’t do drugs. I mean I feel all weird and floaty-wait, did I do drugs?” Her eyes widened in shock and she clung to Laf’s stained lab coat. “Noooo. I can’t do drugs! Dad will freak! Did I do drugs? Did I develop a drug habit only a month into the semester?”

Lafontaine chuckled wryly and took Laura by the hand. “Alright Frosh, calm down. Nobody’s gonna tell your dad, but I think we need to get you back to your room.”

“Nonono. Not my room, I probably have more drugs in my room.” Laura protested feebly as she was led from the kitchen. “I need rehab. Or like…anti-drugs. That’s a thing, right?”

“Wow, you really went from giggly to stoned out of your mind fast.” Laf muttered. “Now come on. We’re gonna…eh…find the drugs. Yeah. So show me your room, okay? And then you’re going to sleep and I’m going to pre-emptively beg Perry for my life.”

“Oh! Okay!” Laura chirped, dragging Laf in the opposite direction of her room, eager to find the non-existent drugs she was clearly hiding in her room.

 

That was 5 years ago, and they had remained close friends since that odd first meeting. They were both older and wiser, but Lafontaine still had an unhealthy appetite for experiments that would undoubtedly blow up in their face. Not that Laura had much room to comment. Since she’d started her career as a freelance journalist, she’d been intimidated, outright threatened, burgled, and even shot at in one case.

It wasn’t that she made a point out of investigating the most dangerous individuals she could find. The topics they picked just…happened to involve them. A lot.

She had learned a few things, though, what with all the danger. She could look back on things now and state that, yes, some of the plans she made just a few years ago were often dangerous and sometimes downright stupid. In fact, she considered herself something of an expert on stupid ideas by this point and she carried that badge with pride.

That being said, what Lafontaine had suggested had to be one of the stupidest things she’d heard in her entire life.

With a heavy sigh, the brunette rested her head on the cool wood of her kitchen table. “Okay, hang on; I was not prepared for this when I invited you over for coffee.”

“What’s so shocking?” Laf asked, sipping their coffee. “You’ve helped me with experiments before. Heck, you wrote an entire article on the falling standards for equipment back when we were in college because a Bunsen burner scorched off your eyebrow.”

Laura grumbled something about how long that had taken to grow back and lifted her head.

“That’s different! Laf, this is not facts and figures. This is your personal life. I can’t believe you’re asking me to essentially pose as you for a few dates.” She threw her hands up.

Laf rolled their eyes dramatically and gestured at the dating profile open on Laura’s iPad.

“You know me. I like to approach everything like an experiment. Besides…” They paused and shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. “I don’t really do the dating thing. You know that. And I have a lot on my plate right now too. I just…I want to make sure that it’s worth investing my time. And…you know, investing other things, I guess.”

Laura’s expression softened and she gave Lafontaine and understanding look.

“Oh, Laf.”

She’d been front and centre for Laf’s struggle with their gender identity while they were both in university, even when Perry couldn’t quite deal with it for a while. Lafontaine had put themselves out there to people who responded poorly a few too many times.

“That’s just part of it. These people will be scared too.”

“Laur, I know.” The redhead said, eyes locked on their coffee. “I want to go. I _do_. Moving forward without knowing whether there’ll still be a road to walk on is just terrifying.” They looked up and shrugged helplessly. “You know me. Things are a lot easier if I can experiment a bit first.”

Laura sighed and looked down at the profile again. If she was going to consider this, she at least had to know what she was getting into. The profile gave a good general idea of Laf, though she felt it left out their amazing dry sense of humour and loyalty. There were some hints of Laura’s personality in the profile too, but it wasn’t a perfect representation of either of them. No picture, as Lafontaine had mentioned. The entire site seemed to take the approach that first impressions should be made during the first date, not through the avatar of a dating profile.

“Wait.” Laura looked up, her brow furrowed. “What about Perry?” It was an unspoken rule that, while blatantly obvious, Lafontaine’s all-consuming love for their best friend would go unmentioned. As would any theories that Perry returned those feelings in her own adorable, massively socially awkward way.

Then again, they were now discussing Laf’s love life and Laura was actually supposed to go on dates for them for a time, so protocol could go take a flying leap out of the window. Besides, if they didn’t wind up together, Laura would owe Danny a lifetime supply of Skittles.

Laf chuckled wryly and glanced at their watch.

“Took you longer than I expected.” They said, before turning serious again. “Look, Perr likes normal and I’m… _not.”_ When Laura opened her mouth to protest, they raised a hand and rolled their eyes good naturedly. “Frosh, it’s sweet, but spare me the speech. I just mean that I think Perry always envisioned a much more cut-and-dry relationship, you know? The gender identity thing was hard enough for her and, yeah that hurt, but she came around and she’s trying. She’s trying very hard, even though it’s still confusing to her.”

The ginger scientist smiled that shy smile that they seemed to reserve just for Perry and Laura felt a momentary flash of jealousy. Not about Laf or Perry, but she just wanted someone to smile like that when they thought of her. It had been embarrassingly long since her last serious relationship.

“I’m not sure I can get over Perry.” Laf admitted, shaking herself from her thoughts. “But I _am_ sure that I won’t force her to deal with this on top of the gender thing. So maybe that means friends is all we’ll ever be, but I at least have to try to find someone else, right?” They sounded uncertain.

Laura couldn’t blame them, honestly. Laf had a good point, even if her inner shipper rebelled at the thought. Even when they had met in college it was never just ‘Laf’ and ‘Perry’.  They had always been ‘Laf and Perry.’ It had just seemed natural that they would wind up together.

Without a good answer, Laura reached out and took Laf’s hand with a reluctant smile.

“Okay, so who is our first date with?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was that, Creampuffs?
> 
> Not very long by my standards, I know, but I intend to keep this to a few short chapters. The next one will probably the events leading up to the date from Carmiilla's perspective.  
> I think you guys will like that one, actually. There's some ways I can incoporate things from act 3 which I think will be interesting. More importantly, I want to try something with the dean.
> 
> You'll see what I mean.
> 
> SirPrize's Shower Thoughts (#5) 
> 
> The Election
> 
> I had a rant here, but figured that wasn't entirely appropriate for a prompt. That being said, I'll keep it brief.
> 
> The message this election sends to the worst people in America and other parts of the world is, frankly, a horrifying one.
> 
> Not all of the people who voted for Trump deserve to be demonized for that choice, of course, as some voted out of a real sense of economic desperation. I still don't agree with their choice, but that's not my place.
> 
> Let's not kid ourselves, though, a candidate endorsed by the KKK who lies every 3,17 minutes is not qualified to be president.
> 
> I've talked to a few friends of mine in the states, a fair few of them female, not white or both. One of them's the toughest woman I know and I watched this election reduce her to tears. You really feel all the miles between you in a moment like that, when you can't reach out to help. 
> 
> To them and anyone else who needs it, I would just like to say the following. Hopefully without seeming like I'm trying to pander to anyone.
> 
> Don't give up.
> 
> You're allowed to be sad and scared and angry and to ignore the people who keep repeating it's all okay, because it's not. Not for everyone. However, there is so much you can still do. You still have a voice and you can still make it heard. You can still push back. Bigotry is a dying trait and, while this is one hell of a dying spasm, you are not alone. There are more people who will stand with you than those who won't.
> 
> No, things aren't okay and they might not be for a while. So take your time, and then continue on. There is no more powerful message than to show that you will not be stopped even in the face of this. There is no greater insult to those who voted for the wrong reasons.
> 
> And now I've wound up sort of rambling anyway. Whoops ;)


	2. Vampiric Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Creampuffs! 
> 
> As always, thank you for leaving comments and kudos! And of course a shout-out to my lovely beta, smartassducky, for putting up with my brainfarts!
> 
> This chapter started out fluffy and funny and then my brain went "Nope, psychological trauma, that's what we need." My brain's kind of an asshole.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy reading, Creampuffs!

Carmilla sighed as she slammed the door to her apartment shut behind her. She hated being her mother’s little messenger, especially because the head of the local vampiric clan was an ass. Sadly, if an ancient vampire asked you to do something, you did it. Especially when that ancient vampire was your sire.

At least she’d managed to snag breakfast on the way home. Though he was an arrogant jackass and far too impressed with his own age, Michael Petrov at least had the concept of easily accessible blood in his territory down. Plus, he was smart enough to leave Carmilla alone for the most part.

She wondered if he’d be so lenient if she had a warmer relationship with her mother, though. After all, he wasn’t that much older than Carmilla was and her….house guest…was reason for concern to any clan leader.

Deciding to put the other undead in this town out of her mind, she walked into the kitchen. The apartment was nice- big and expensive, though not enough to really draw attention. It featured primarily dark colours, with the occasional splash of brighter colour at Mattie’s suggestion.

Of course, that colour was mostly red, because Carmilla knew the cliché of a vampire surrounded mainly by red and black would drive her sister nuts. To this day, the older vampire had not set foot into the living room without sneering.

Not that you could see much of the apartment at the moment, as the curtains were drawn tightly shut and all the lights were off. _´Back to this again, apparently.’_ She mused as she stepped into the kitchen.

“Hey, Twitchy, I bring food.”

There was some shuffling from the living room and a few seconds later a tall, fit, but very pale redhead joined Carmilla in the kitchen. She looked like she had once been very pretty, but her eyes were bloodshot, her face was thin and the resigned expression didn’t help matters. Her long locks were pulled into a messy ponytail, which was at least slightly better than the uncared-for state the redhead had seemed to prefer the past few months.

“Hey.” The greeting lacked enthusiasm beyond a thin smile. “I didn’t know we were running low again.”

“First two years are the hardest. I told you.” Carmilla said, fiddling with the locks of the case. “Why are the curtains closed again?” That hadn’t been necessary for a few months now.

“My eyes hurt. I……I went outside, today.”

Carmilla froze for a second in surprise. When she looked up, the redhead wasn’t looking at her, but keeping her eyes on the floor. Self-loathing and hope waged open war on her face.

“Well, that’s good, right?” The older vampire muttered casually as she flipped the first lock open. Beating around the bush was tiresome, but the other girl was pretty skittish about anything having to do with her new life…or lack thereof.

She flipped the other lock open as well and lifted the top of the case off, revealing four neat rows of cooled blood bags. She took the all but one out and stuffed them in the fridge, which was empty but for a few bottles of wine and some cheese. It was probably good they didn’t have guests over often.

The redhead stiffened the moment she noticed the blood, eyes wide with an emotion Carmilla couldn’t quite place. With a sigh, she closed the fridge and held the last bag out to her roommate. “Here. At the very least, your eyes will feel better sooner.”

The younger vampire actually took a step back and shook her head. “Does it have to be now? I’m not really hungry.” It was a pretty pathetic lie and, had anyone else attempted it, Carmilla would have taken great joy in shooting it down.

As it was, she gave her fellow vampire an unimpressed glare and insistently shoved the bag towards her. “Xena, I’m here every single time you feed. The last time was three days ago. You’re hungry.” When the redhead only took another step back, she followed and made sure she had nowhere to go but the corner of the kitchen. “I’m glad you went outside, but you could’ve picked a better moment. Guess who has to clean up after your ass if it goes wrong?”

Blue eyes flashed with anger, quickly followed by shame before they dropped to the floor again. “I was fine at first, you know?” Her voice wavered. “Sure, I felt kinda weak in the sun, but I was out of the room and I was _finally_ just doing something again. But then it got busy and there were so many people. So many- so much _noise._ ”

Carmilla didn’t have to ask what noise she meant.

The redheaded girl seemed like she was trying to curl up into a ball while remaining upright as she continued. “I could barely think. I-I smelled some of them and…God. This girl. S-she passed me and I smelled her and it was so _good._ She was so fucking pretty.”

Slowly the blue seemed to drain from her eyes, replaced by an inhuman, inky black. “Fuck, Carmilla. I just wanted- I don’t even know what. All I could think was how good she’d taste. God, she _smiled_ at me and all I wanted…I’d have killed her. I ran. I had to. I think I knocked people down, I think, I don’t even know but I couldn’t…I had to…”

She looked up, black eyes screaming ravenous hunger while her body language seemed to beg for mercy. “Please don’t make me.” The redhead whispered.

Carmilla closed her eyes to gather herself for a moment. She wasn’t overly disposed towards pity, normally. However, even she could see that certain people were just not suited for a vampiric lifestyle. The fact that fate picked Danny Lawrence, of all people, confirmed to Carmilla that it had a really twisted sense of humour.

The girl fashioned herself a real white knight, standing up for the little people and championing any cause even vaguely related to feminine empowerment. She wasn’t very suited to a life of blood and darkness, to put it mildly.

Danny had been lured out by one of her sorority sisters, who claimed she was in trouble before pouncing on the redhead in an alley. Carmilla didn’t know why, but the vampire had turned the redhead. Rather clumsily, at that. She hadn’t even waited for Danny to rise again and simply fucked off somewhere.

Carmilla couldn’t exactly go ask what the dumb bitch had been thinking either. Michael had gotten to her first and, perturbed about new vampires being created without his permission, he hadn’t exactly bothered to question matters before moving on to the execution.

Carmilla found the redhead a week and a half later, hiding between garbage cans like an oversized rat but twice as skittish. The Amazonian red head had been a shell of her former self, starving and on the edge of a complete breakdown due to her near constant struggle with her new senses and urges. It took Carmilla fifteen minutes just to get the redhead to stop rocking back and forth, mumbling to herself.

Though not a fan of the ‘holier than thou’ attitude that the recovering girl still occasionally displayed, Carmilla had to admire her restraint. Newborn vampires were…problematic, especially without their sire close by. This girl the redhead was talking about had no idea how lucky she was.

Admirable as her restraint was, though, Danny’s situation was at least partially self-inflicted. If she just fed more regularly, things would’ve been easier on her. However, the redhead had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she now needed blood to survive. It was holding her back and, like it or not, this was how she’d have to live from now on.

So Carmilla pierced the top of the bloodbag with the nail of her thumb and let a small trickle of the crimson liquid run down the side. Before she could even blink, Danny rushed forward and snatched the pack. With a bestial hiss, the redhead tore into the pack with her fangs instead of just tearing it and drinking like a sane person.

She wasn’t as messy as she had been at first, but drops still spilled and left crimson trails down her throat. Once the bag was drained she looked up again, eyes still dark but much closer to their original blue. She scanned the room for more for a moment, but then what had just happened hit the redhead.

She stumbled back and slid down against the wall, before she buried her face in her knees and began to cry. Much like the feeding, it wasn’t restrained either. Full-body sobs wracked her tall frame, her wails barely muffled by her knees as she bawled her eyes out.

Carmilla swore she felt her heart twitch painfully, though that wasn’t possible because…y’know…vampire. Still, she sank down in front of the pitiable redhead, rested her chin on her legs and just waited.

It had been about three centuries since she’d had to _care_ for someone. Sure, Mircalla Karnstein had little siblings and probably hugged and soothed them when they skinned their knees or something. Carmilla Karnstein, though? She was surrounded by vampires, most of whom were far older than she was and would laugh at the very notion.

As such, she was rusty at being comforting, to put it mildly.

That didn’t mean that she didn’t want to because, God, was this hard to watch. Danny would try to steel herself, to ignore the part of herself that would forever be predatory and each time she would fail and it would ruin her. Like someone had taken a sledgehammer to her convictions, it shattered her and tore pieces away.

Pieces that the redhead would then try to put back, creating an even more unsteady foundation as she started the whole thing over again.

It was really fucking stupid.

It was something only someone of incredible strength of character would subject themselves to.

Either way, Carmilla didn’t really know how to help. She too had rankled at the thought of subsisting on blood, freely given or not, but not to this degree. What that said about her she wasn’t particularly keen to examine.

She found some small measure of relief in that, though all she could do was sit with Danny and wait, the redhead didn’t seem to want or expect anything else. She even seemed strangely grateful for it, which Carmilla felt was just making far too big a deal out of her presence.

It took a long time for Danny’s tears to dry up and, even when they did, she didn’t move for a while. They sat there, still like statues, until the redhead finally looked up. She locked eyes with Carmilla and offered her a brief, watery, but thankful smile. “I’m sorry…and thank you.”

“Well, if you snap and run out the door, I’m gonna have two clan leaders bitching at me.” Carmilla waved off the gratitude. Michael wasn’t the only one who wasn’t thrilled about a newborn vampire without her sire in his territory. Carmilla’s mother wasn’t particularly thrilled either, as her daughter’s decision to take said newborn vampire in created some diplomatic tension.

Not that her mother cared much for diplomacy, if murder could get her what she wanted more easily.

The rest of the evening was oddly tense as they often were after feeding. Danny sat on the couch, supposedly watching TV though her eyes were distant. Meanwhile Carmilla sat in a chair, reading a book and keeping an eye on the younger vampire.

She got a surprise, though, when Danny suddenly spoke when a commercial came on. “So, I did do something else today.” She began, reaching for Carmilla’s laptop. “And it went better than going outside…but you’re still going to be pissed.” She said, eyes lighting up with something akin to amusement for the first time since Carmilla came home.

 _‘Possibly for the first time all week, actually.’_ Carmilla thought as she warily stood up from her seat.

Danny booted up the laptop. “See, I was thinking about how you’re basically always here now and what you told me.” She glanced at the older vampire. “About your life for the past 300 years and-“

“And the thing I made very clear we wouldn’t speak of anymore.” She snapped.

“Right, that.” Danny rolled her eyes. “Here’s the thing, you’re pretty much always taking care of me or doing stuff for your mother, so I figured you needed something just for you.” She opened a page and frowned. “How have you not managed to balance responsibility and a social life in over three centuries? I’m 20 and I was managing just fine.”

Carmilla’s eyebrows rose. “May I remind you that my apparently shoddy life management is working out in your advantage, Xena?”

The redhead looked up. “Yeah, I guess it is.” She muttered, a wry smile pulling at her lips. “Now look, I think you’ll be mad anyway, but hear me out.” Danny began, covering her ass before she even turned the laptop around.

“Oh what the fuck, Gigantor?!”

“See?! You’re mad, but just listen!”

There was a twitch. Carmilla’s left eyebrow was actually _twitching_ with barely contained rage as she took in the webpage. “A dating website. You signed me up for a fucking dating website?!” She looked from the screen to the redhead. “Am I such a charity case that I have to look to _you_ for my dating life now?!”

“Wha- no!” Danny shot up, nearly knocking the laptop to the floor. “You-” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Whether it was to gather patience or fight off some instinct crying out for her to show dominance, Carmilla wasn’t sure.

“I’m not going to feed you compliments or something.” She finally said, voice tight and controlled. “But you are not a charity case. However, you don’t _have_ a dating life, Carmilla. Not since you met me and, from the sound of it, not much of one before then either.” Blue eyes opened and the tension drained from her body. “I don’t want to be the cause of that.” Tall as she was, the redhead sounded very small in that moment.

Still seething at the presumptuous gesture, Carmilla sneered at the taller girl. “What do you care?” She asked.  “You have bigger problems, remember?” She stepped closer to Danny, snarling. “Did you even consider that maybe, just maybe, in all of the years I’ve been alive I may have learned a thing or two about dating? Like that it’s not worth it?”

The pitying look in the redhead’s eyes fuelled her anger and she poked the girl in the centre of her chest. “Guess what, Xena? We live long goddamned lives and not everyone is keen to share in that.” She poked the girl again, harder this time. “I tell you something personal and suddenly you’re my life coach? You are a _child_! A whiny brat who thinks she knows best for someone who has seen more than she could possibly imagine.”

She could see anger building in those blue eyes. Good. Who told Danny fucking Lawrence, defender of the innocent, that she had any right to interfere in Carmilla’s life? Especially in this. Especially since Danny _knew._

Yes, Elle’s death was a long time ago.

Yes, she’d slept with other women since then.

None of that meant that it did not still hurt. That it wasn’t like a hot knife had been rammed into her soul and left there to this very day.

Sex was one thing. Sex was easy. She could get that from any horny woman at a bar. This was something else entirely. This was an area of her life in which Danny Lawrence’s input was neither wanted nor appreciated.

Sure, it was just a dating profile, but there were implications to that. Who made it Xena’s choice that it was time for Carmilla to put herself out there that way again?

She was a motherfucking vampire. If she wanted to move on only once the sun had died, she had that option.

Well, Jesus, sorry!” Danny fired back sarcastically. “My apologies, oh emo mistress of the night, for trying to do something that might actually make you happy.”

It was a damn shame that Carmilla liked her furniture. It meant she couldn’t throw the redhead across the room. Damned if that wasn’t tempting, though. “Well hell, Xena, did you get bitten by a fairy godmother instead of a vampire? Why does my ‘happiness’ matter to you?”

With a cat-like hiss, Danny reached forward and pulled Carmilla in by her collar. “Because I used to be a good fucking person!” She yelled, panting for air she didn’t need as she tried to hold back her temper.

Carmilla didn’t quite know how to respond to that and Danny didn’t elaborate, so they stayed like that until the redhead spoke again. “I used to help people. I liked helping people. I looked at them and tried to think of ways to help and now I look at them and I have these thoughts I can only pray aren’t actually mine.”

She shoved Carmilla back and sat down on the couch again, looking at her hands. “I have been stuck in this apartment, fearing the _sun_ of all things, for months. Stir-crazy doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling. I can’t even have a girl smile at me without wanting to…rape her…kill her…God, maybe both. I don’t even know, Carmilla. I’m terrified and I hate myself and most days I wish my ‘sire’ had just killed me.”

She looked the dark-haired vampire in the eye. “And then there’s you. I still don’t know why you’re helping, but you probably saved my…life? Unlife? Whatever. The point is, I have no way to thank you.” Slender fingers tangled in her long hair and she tugged, probably more harshly than was healthy. “I can’t stand going outside. I’m too afraid to contact my friends or family and, even if you had the stuff required for it, what would be the point in baking you a cake?”

Danny shook her head. “It was a stupid idea and if I stepped in a centuries old trauma, then I apologize.” Guilty eyes drifted back to the laptop. “It was all I could think of.”

There was another long silence, neither of them certain how to continue.

“So…” Carmilla eventually began. “It’s less about me and more about you feeling good about yourself?” It came out as more of a statement than the question she’d intended.

The redhead laughed dryly. “Mostly about you, but it turns out I’m a selfish bitch. Sue me.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “And I’m the emo?” She sat down on the floor, resting her back against the couch. “Not that you’re wrong. This was really stupid.”

“I know.”

“And presumptuous.”

“I know.”

“And just a generally awful idea.”

“Jesus, Wednesday, I kno-“

Danny stopped talking abruptly when Carmilla held out a hand. “At least show me the damn page, Xena.”

The redhead stared at the hand for a few moments before the demand came through and she quickly reached for the laptop, a hesitant smile on her face.

Carmilla rolled her eyes again as she accepted it and studied the page for a few moments. It wasn’t something she would admit to the redhead’s face, but she hadn’t done a terrible job. The page lacked anything like a profile picture, apparently due to some bullshit about first impressions, and it was a reasonably accurate description of her interests.

“Fine.” She growled. “ _If_ we’re doing this, we’re not doing the part where we paint each other’s nails and talk about each date over ice cream.” She pretended not to see the younger vampire roll her eyes. “And you’ll be dealing with selection, but I get to veto your choices.”

The smile dropped and Danny fidgeted in her seat. “Eh, okay…only I already sort of agreed to a date with one girl.” She leaned over and opened another page with a sheepish shrug. “I got excited.”

Of course she had. “Goddammit, Lawrence.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was that, Creampuffs? It did wind up a little darker than originally intended, but I'm actually fairly happy with how it turned out in the end.
> 
> As I probably won't get any other fics up before the 25th, allow me to wish you all Happy Holidays in advance!
> 
> SirPrize's Shower Thoughts (#7)
> 
> Danny Lawrence.
> 
> Look, I'll admit to being biased. Danny is a good character, but she always kind of annoyed me. I grew much fonder of her in season 2, where she actually had to start questioning herself and I thought her death was very well handled. She dies never burdening Laura by telling her it's fine as long as she's dying for her, but it's heavily implied. She never says it, because she knows it's not her place and it's not what Laura needs. She's not who Laura needs.
> 
> It was a powerful and tragic moment...And then they brought her back.
> 
> Honestly, I was fucking thrilled at that. Danny as a vampire had so much potential, simply because Danny is one of the last people you should subject to that. There was so much room for character growth there.
> 
> And then they did absolutely nothing with it. Really. What did Danny DO in season 3? She restrained Carmilla once and...eh...eventually saved Kirsch and that was pretty much it. The fact that she was so pissed off was kinda stupid in the first place. The whole "Woe is me, nobody cares I died" thing should've run its course the moment she saw Laura again and that whole theory disproved itself.  
> She spends the entire season as nothing more than a lackey, a role which could've been filled just as easily and probably better by a new character. 
> 
> What was the point in bringing her back, then? Make Laura feel worse? She's basically already a traumatized wreck by the first episode of the season, so the impact there is all but lost. Here's the thing, making Danny a villain could have worked had we ever actually seen doubt or hesitation on her part. Making her perfectly cool with the whole thing, as she appears to be in every single shot she's in, basically proves Carmilla was entirely correct in her assessment of Danny.
> 
> It makes Danny into a massive hypocrite.
> 
> So yeah, I honestly think the plot and Danný character would've both been better off if she'd just stayed dead. Bringing her back could have worked, but not without something of importance for the character to do. Instead of showing us a darker reflection of a good character, they took the solid end to that character's story and left it meander pointlessly before peetering out without any closure.
> 
> Let's hope that, if she appears in the movie, her part will suck less.


	3. First Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Creampuffs! Been a while!
> 
> You wanna undergo several nervous breakdowns? Go to my university! It's great! You can almost taste how little of a fuck the staff gives if you run into issues you couldn't have avoided without the power to fucking warp reality!
> 
> Ugh, that aside, let's just say I've been busy and when I finally wasn't busy I didn't want to immediately get back to writing. There were a few things I wanted to do first, like hang with some friends and catch up on some games. I agreed to write a bit on commission too, so that kind of had to take priority over this stuff for just a bit.
> 
> Anyway, I'm back with a chapter I've been meaning to finish for...like four months or so. I hope you guys enjoy reading, Creampuffs!
> 
> As always, a shout-out to my lovely beta reader, smartassducky for combing through this for my mistakes and brain farts!

Five blind dates in and Laura was ready to give up on her own gender and the concept of dating entirely. Online dating had never been less appealing to her than it was now.

Then again, she had been somewhat lucky. Shallow as it made her feel, a dating site which advertised how it did not use profile pictures made her a bit sceptical about the sort of people using it. However, the few dates she had been on so far had proven Laura wrong. They were all good-looking, normal people.

Now if only their personalities would match up.

It wasn’t even that they were all horrible. SJ had been plenty sweet, but it took most of the date for the poor girl to loosen up even a little. Lafontaine was a lot of things, but patient was not one of them.

Mel had been…too intense in a lot of ways. She could appreciate confidence but not the superiority complex and very fragile ego. That was probably the first date Laura had ever been on which turned hostile halfway through. Even if she had been remotely pleasant, Laf would have to develop even just a modicum of interest in sports for that relationship to work. And then perhaps pigs could fly and Satan could come up to complain about how cold it was down in hell.

And then there had been the vegan chick. The extremely religious vegan chick whose scientific understanding seemed to begin and end with the fact that the Earth revolved around the sun. Laura couldn’t even remember her name. Charity? Faith? Maria? Something based on a virtue or something biblical, anyway. The tiny journalist had honestly been tempted to bring up evolution just to see if her reaction would swing towards outrage or confusion.

That alone of course ensured she was entirely wrong for Laura’s ginger friend, not to mention that the tiny brunette just didn’t trust people who refused to eat pizza.

And then there was Betty. Betty had been great on paper. Essentially a quadruple major who did something confusing for the government and read a lot of books big enough to build a fairly sizeable house out of, presumably for fun.

It would have been great if someone had included the girl’s narcissism on her profile, though. It wasn’t like Betty spent the entire evening talking about herself, though most of it was spent on how everyone at her job was incompetent. No, it was how she apparently felt she could do everything better than everyone around her. It started out grating and quickly transitioned into mind-bendingly annoying.

Unfortunately, the girl had been hot too.  For just a moment, while Betty blathered on, Laura had wondered if she could explain to Laf that Betty was entirely wrong for them after dragging her back to Laura’s place and fucking the blonde’s brains out.

Yeah,  “Look, I promise she’s terrible, now let me tell you about how I sat on her face all night just to shut her up” probably wouldn’t go over very well.

Frankly, she didn’t have very high expectations for this latest girl either- a woman with a degree in philosophy and a job as whatever a transaction facilitator was, whom had really only ended up on the list because she seemed at least somewhat intelligent and Laf liked the look of her list of favourite books.

The profile had been pretty light on information besides that, though. Laura could think of a few things to add without having met this Carmilla yet. A lack of punctuality, for one. She was easily twenty minutes late. Honestly, who couldn’t even be bothered to show up on time for a first date?

Just when Laura decided to give it five more minutes before leaving, someone dropped down in the seat across from her. “Hey.”

Laura blinked at the other girl. “Eh, hey?” She replied uncertainly. “Can I help you?”

The other girl arched her brow and took her time looking Laura up and down. “I sure hope so, Sweetheart.” She leaned forwards a bit, revealing ample amounts of pale cleavage. “My name’s Carmilla.” A cheshire grin spread over her face when she noticed Laura’s eyes drop to her breasts and then guiltily shoot back up. “I take it you’re Susan? I’m your date for the night, Cupcake.”

“O-oh.” Laura stammered, a blush rising to her cheeks. The dark-haired girl was the picture of classical beauty, though her clothes leaned more towards modern and seductive. They drew the eye to pale flesh and supple curves and hinted at how much better those curves would look when stripped bare.

Eager not to come off as a creep and get this date underway at long last, Laura cleared her throat and held out her hand. “Well, yes, I’m Susan. Nice to meet you.” The name had been a bit of a compromise for Laura and Lafontaine as she could hardly pretend to be Laf down to her name if the ginger scientist was to move in later. In fact, it was Laf who had suggested using their first name as Laura’s fake name as, by their own admission, they certainly weren’t using it. At least Laura had finally gotten the hang of replying to the name and introducing herself correctly.

The tiny journalist only blushed brighter when Carmilla accepted the handshake and two slender fingers brushed teasingly over her pulse.

“Lovely to meet you.” Carmilla purred, her voice low and just about oozing sex and seduction.

Ignoring her suddenly very dry mouth, Laura soldiered on. “So, eh, I’m glad you made it. I was worried you weren’t gonna show. Y’know, what with the delay and all.”

The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes. “What, those few minutes?”

“Twenty, actually.” Laura muttered darkly as she reached for the menu. Clearly an apology or even an explanation was too much to ask. “Whatever, shall we just get into it?” The tiny brunette did her best to sound unbothered.

That was apparently another thing that was too much effort for Carmilla, though, because the girl groaned and rolled her eyes. “Cupcake, I’m gonna be honest with you for a sec.” She rested her chin on her palm in the picture of bored disinterest. “I don’t really want to be here.”

Laura arched a brow. “That’s not really something you hear a lot from people who go through the trouble of making a dating profile.”

“I didn’t.” The pale beauty deadpanned. “My roommate did, because she is physically incapable of minding her own business.”

“So what?” Laura asked. “You actually go on dates just to tell the girls you don’t want to go on dates?”

“Not quite, Cupcake.”  The taller girl purred. “See, I found a win-win situation. I just take them home and we have a fun night.” She chuckled softly. “It pisses off Big Red at home, because it keeps her up at night and I’m apparently ‘not really trying’ and my date and I both get our needs seen to.” She looked Laura up and down again meaningfully. “It’s an offer that’s open to you too.”

For a few seconds Laura just stared dumbly at Carmilla. She honestly wasn’t sure whether she was shocked at the blatant invitation or the petty spirit behind it. Part of her was also very, very tempted, but she quickly stamped down on that part of her psyche to shut it up. She wasn’t that desperate, thank you very much.

“You-wha-I can’t…” She trailed off with an incredulous sigh. “Seriously? You came here to propose meaningless sex? Not even meaningless sex because you find me attractive, but because it’ll piss of your roommate?” Anger was slowly winning out over the shock of the bizarre nature of this conversation and gathering in her chest like a heavy weight.

The dark-haired girl’s enticing smile never wavered. “Who said I don’t find you attractive, Cupcake?” Her foot slid up Laura’s leg and she chuckled when the shorter girl jumped and squeaked softly. “Has nobody told you how pretty you are? Would you like me to tell you what I wanted to do to you the second I saw you?”

Laura was going to push that foot away and close her legs any minute now. Really, she was. It was just hard to think with Carmilla drawing teasing circles on her thigh. She had bedroom eyes down to a tee, too. Thankfully for Laura, the stunned indignation Carmilla’s words had sparked had yet to fade.

The tiny brunette swallowed dryly and dug for some freaking decency. Yes, Carmilla was very hot, but that was no reason to suddenly completely abandon her standards. With a loud huff, Laura shot up. “Unbelievable.” She muttered, snatching up her bag as she stood up. “Look, not all of us are on this site just to sleep with everyone who shows a passing interest in our profile.”

Carmilla’s eyes narrowed and she lifted her chin from her palm. “Are you judging me?”

“Seriously,” Laura continued, not paying attention to the dark-haired girl’s stiffening posture. “Do you just assume everyone will roll over because you’re absurdly hot? To call this plan of yours an STI risk is putting it mildly.”

“Yeah, gotta say, it really feels like you’re judging me.”

“How shallow can you get?” Laura growled, fuelled by her indignation. “ _Unbelievable._ Couldn’t you have just mentioned this beforehand so I knew I’d be wasting my time.”

Carmilla groaned and rolled her eyes. “Oh God, you’re one of _those_.”

“Excuse me?” Laura hissed, clutching her bag tightly. “One of what, exactly?”

“One of those naïve idiots who thinks they’ll actually find true love through a dating site.” Carmilla clarified with a smug smile. “One of those little girls who can’t see that it’s just a marketing scheme wrapped around a barely functional algorithm and thinks her ‘soulmate’ is out there just looking for the right profile.”

When Laura sputtered angrily, Carmilla’s smile dropped and the pale girl glared at Laura. “Newsflash, Cupcake, the world doesn’t work like that. Even if it did, exactly how would that give you the right to judge me for not subscribing to your lollipops and rainbows philosophy?” She snarled.

The first few answers were too filled with profanity and angry screeching for Laura to voice them, even though she was trembling with anger. She took two deep, cleansing breaths and tried her best to calm down.

It wasn’t even that Carmilla was calling her a child. A naïve child at that. She’d been called naïve before. It was a side effect of wanting to see the good in people, unfortunately. In fact, her anger didn’t really stem from any insult aimed at her at all.

Well, sort of. She was still plenty pissed about those too.

What had made her so angry that the tiny brunette couldn’t even speak, though, was that the dark-haired girl had insulted the idea of finding love online. Finding that one person you could spend your life with. The one thing Lafontaine had put all their hopes into.

Lafontaine, who just wanted to know that there was someone out there for them. Who had found someone they wanted to belong to, but couldn’t. Maybe not yet. Maybe never. Hence the whole dating thing.

It was such a simple hope and here Carmilla sat, insulting it.

“What exactly is wrong with that?” Laura asked when she opened her eyes again, eerily calm. “What exactly is wrong with finding that one person you can’t imagine life without?”

The dark-haired girl arched a slender eyebrow at her. “Aside from it being a bunch of romcom crap?”

“Well, it isn’t.” Laura hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Plenty of people have built good, lasting relationships with people they’ve found online.” Not that she personally knew any, but she had heard stories. “Just because you don’t believe it, that doesn’t mean that everyone else shouldn’t either. I’ll date as many people as it takes before I find the right one.”

Laura began to shove her wallet and her phone into her purse. “Even if this is like the sixth terrible date in a row.”

“Oh please.” Carmilla huffed disbelievingly. “What constitutes a bad date for you,Creampuff? You and Princess Charming locked eyes over pasta and didn’t instantly fall in love so you wrote the entire date off?”

A part of  the short brunette wanted her to not let Carmilla goad her into another argument and just walk away like an adult. Unfortunately, it was being teamed up on by Laura’s spiteful and competitive sides and it was losing badly. “No, actually, a bad date to me is one in which the girl spends 30 minutes talking about her sorority and some stupid feud they had with a fraternity at the same university.”

Apparently unimpressed, Carmilla shrugged. “So you had a boring date, big deal.” She muttered. “The last girl I brought back apparently didn’t get what a one-night stand entailed. I had to let her sleep over because she nearly cried when I asked her to leave and she still hasn’t stopped texting me.” The pale girl sighed as if that was the greatest burden in the world.

“Well gee, I wonder if that would stop if you stopped sleeping around with every single woman you dated?” Laura pondered out loud, her tone sugary sweet and her expression the very picture of mocking innocence. “Still, that’s nothing. I met this girl who told me at least three times what a burden her sexuality was for her daily as a good Christian woman and how worried she was about being punished for how ‘ _wrong’_ the whole thing was. Talk about a turn-off. And she was a vegan!”

A small, genuinely charming smile pulled at her dark-haired date’s lips. “Where’d you find that one? Christian mingle?” Carmilla asked, shaking her head. “I’m not even sure if you found her attitude more offensive or the fact that she was a vegan.”

Waving off Laura’s hasty exclamation that there was nothing wrong with most vegans, Carmilla continued. “I’ll give you that one, but have you ever spent two hours of a three hour date listening to a girl talk about her sixteen cats?”

“Eh, no?” Laura couldn’t quite keep herself from smiling as she pictured Carmilla’s utterly bored expression while she was bombarded with tales of cute and fuzzy things. “There is no way she actually had sixteen cats.”

“Oh yes, Cupcake,  I promise.” Carmilla intoned with an almost comical sincerity. “I can probably still name all of them. That has been seared into my mind forever. A portion of my life that I’ll never get back went into hearing that and now it will forever take up space in my brain.” She smirked as she continued with the same level of sincerity. “Still took her home, of course. I figured she’d have experience handling pussy.”

She wanted to be offended, but that just brought all sorts of weird images to mind. Laura giggled and quickly clasped a hand over her mouth to stifle her mirth when someone spoke up behind her. “Excuse me, can I help you?”

She turned to find the middle-aged woman who had shown her to her table smiling uncertainly as she looked from Laura to Carmilla and back again. “Is there a problem?”

“Oh, no. There’s no problem.” Laura said, a little embarrassed when she realised that half the half the restaurant was looking at them now. How long had she been standing next to this table anyway? “I was just going to…y’know…”

“You could sit back down, Cupcake.” Her date offered.

Laura turned to look at her. A single dark eyebrow was raised as if it was a challenge, but Carmilla looked more open and relaxed. None of the anger and exasperation from earlier lingered on her face. She didn’t really look like the jerk who had sat down at their table just a few minutes ago.

She actually looked a little hopeful.

“Yeah.” A small smile spread over Laura’s face. “Yeah, I’ll stay.” She said as she sat down.

The waitress eyed them both strangely for a second, before a look of realization passed over her face and she smiled knowingly. “Alright then. I’ll give you both a bit more time to decide on what you want to eat, alright?” She walked off, leaving the two young women to hesitantly smile at each other.

Eventually, Laura broke the silence. “So…was she? Good at...y’know…” She blushed, not really certain why that was the topic she’d gone with.

Carmilla smirked and arched a brow. “Sadly, no, but I didn’t think I could call animal protection and tell them my pussy was abused.” She stated dryly, chuckling softly when her date snorted with repressed laughter. “It is gratifying to see how curious you are about my sex life, Cupcake.” She purred.

Laura’s blush only grew brighter, but she was determined not to let Carmilla win that easily. “Please, like you could handle me. I’ve worn tougher girls than you out.” She then quickly picked up her menu and hid behind it because _oh Dumbledore on rollerskates, what had she just said?!_

After a brief moment of stunned silence Carmilla licked her lips. “Not to sound like a teenage boy, but that’s kind of hot.” She muttered, voice low and husky as the dark-haired girl reached for her own menu.

“Slow your roll there, Lady.” Laura said with a good-natured roll of her eyes. “I’m a ‘no sex on the first date’ kind of girl.”

Her date shot her a calculating look over the top of her menu. “Shame.” She flicked through the menu for a moment and then continued with feigned nonchalance. “So how many dates is enough in your book?”

The brunette grinned. It really was satisfying to see someone suddenly invested in your sex life. “Well, it depends, but around 4 or 5. Could be a few weeks or months. It just has to feel right.” She answered honestly.

“Hm.” Carmilla closed her menu and leaned on the table. “I could make you feel very, very right here and now if you let me.”

She got an unimpressed, if slightly flustered look for that one.

“Fine, fine.” Carmilla laughed softly. “I don’t normally do multiple dates, so let’s see you convince me tonight, Cupcake.” She said, signalling the waitress. “Now, any other dating horror stories?”

With a confident smirk, Laura closed her own menu. “Do you want the individual stories or should I just give you the list?”

The rest of the date was far, far better than its rocky start. Carmilla was…rough around the edges.

…Okay, Carmilla was an ass, but a clever ass with a sense of humour who flirted like she got paid for it. She was also very, very pretty especially when she laughed and her face just looked entirely open and unguarded.  Even the snark was kind of cute…in a way.

The two spent far longer in the restaurant than either of them realized, only leaving when the staff came by to announce that they really had to close the restaurant now. The arm Carmilla draped over Laura’s shoulders as they headed out would’ve seemed annoying and invasive to the little brunette normally, but she didn’t really mind it this time. Being pressed against Carmilla’s side was warm and oddly comforting.

Even if it didn’t make the big, knowing wink she got from the waitress any less embarrassing.

When they reached Laura’s car, she reluctantly stepped away. “Well, this is my car.” She said, already feeling that post first date awkwardness settle in. “I…” I…what? I had fun? I’m glad we exchanged numbers? I kind of hated you at first, but this was nice? I think you’re funny and really pretty and I want to kiss you?

Unsure of what she really wanted, Laura just blurted out the safest option. “I had a good time.”

Carmilla smiled and moved a little closer, only a few scant inches separating their bodies now. “Me too, Cupcake.” She hesitated for a moment, but then that cocky smirk that Laura was quickly becoming familiar with returned. “So…sex is out, but do you have any rules about kissing on the first date?”

Laura swallowed dryly, suddenly hyper aware of how good Carmilla looked from this close up and how soft her lips looked. “Eh…I’m…not opposed to it.” She muttered, trying to ignore the sudden fluttering in her chest. _‘What are you, Hollis, 16?’_

“Yeah?” Carmilla murmured. Long, slender fingers brushed against Laura’s neck and drew a pleasant shiver from the short brunette. They cupped the back of her neck and coaxed the tiny journalist closer with gentle pressure. Not a demand, but an offer.

Laura went willingly and the moment their lips met, her eyes fluttered shut.

Now, Laura wouldn’t call herself a relationship expert by any means. She’d had good ones that had lasted quite a while, but she’d also had her share of bad ones that were either doomed from the start or destructive for everyone involved. The one thing she knew for sure though, was that every single good relationship had started with a kiss that provoked the same feeling.

Sparks. Like little bolts of electricity jumped from the lips of her partner to Laura’s and spread a pleasant tingling throughout her body.

The good ones always had sparks.

Kissing Carmilla? That was like kissing a lightning rod in a thunderstorm. Carmilla’s lips were exactly as wonderfully soft as they had seemed, but before Laura could really marvel at that she felt as if a bolt of pure sensation shot through her entire body.

All of her nerves suddenly came alive, her body tingling in that familiar way, but more powerfully than she had ever experienced. Greedily, she wrapped her arms around Carmilla and pulled her closer until they were pressed together and she could feel the other girl sigh into the kiss.

Eventually Laura pulled back, feeling dazed and silently bemoaning the loss of Carmilla’s lips. “Wow…that eh…” She cleared her throat. The brunette kept glancing from Carmilla’s lips to her eyes, which seemed kind of glassy and so dark they were almost black. The taller girl’s hand had risen from her neck to the back of her head to tangle in brown strands, while the other absently stroked Laura’s side.

“Can we do that again?” The words spilled from her lips without warning, but the tiny journalist could hardly regret them when Carmilla smirked and leaned in again.

This kiss was less gentle. Mouths opened, tongues intertwined and hands roamed as Laura pinned Carmilla against a nearby lamppost. The noise Carmilla made at that lit a fire deep inside of Laura that spread through her body at an alarming pace.

As she explored the taller girl’s mouth Laura quickly found that Carmilla had oddly sharp canines, but damned if she could focus on that when Carmilla’s hands were running down her sides. They stopped once they reached her ass and the tiny journalist could feel her pale date smirk into the kiss before those hands squeezed and hauled her closer until she had no place to go and there was a thigh between her legs.

Laura pulled away from the kiss to mewl in pleasure, neck bared as she all but melted into Carmilla’s grasp.

The taller girl took this as a chance to continue her assault. Unfocused, dark eyes gave Laura a look that could only be described as predatory and for a moment she swore the pale girl actually purred. It did very little to temper her arousal and the fact that Carmilla began to kiss from her jawline to her neck didn’t help matters.

“Carm…” Laura gasped, one hand tangled in her dark hair while the other clung to her shoulder like it was the only thing grounding her. Carmilla’s lips felt amazing against her neck and when that tongue came out to lap at her quivering pulse point, Laura moaned and tilted her head to give Carmilla more room.

The last shreds of her sanity just barely kept Laura from grinding down on Carmilla’s thigh, even though she knew that would feel oh so very good right now. The problem was that she probably wouldn’t be able to stop again, if she did that. No matter how good this felt, she wasn’t going to be just another girl Carmilla took home after one date.

She had a rule and she was sticking to it, dammit!...Even if she had spent the last few minutes thinking of ways to bend it.

“Carm…Carm, come on.” Laura muttered, gently nudging Carmilla’s head with her nose and then gently tugging her hair when the first option didn’t get the message across.

At the first tug, Carmilla immediately froze before she pulled back. When she looked at Laura, her expression reminded the shorter girl of the pet cat she’d had as a child whenever he wasn’t allowed to play with his favourite toy. Not long after that expression melted into sheepishness and Carmilla looked like a child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

 _‘I think this might have been the first time the cookie jar wanted hands in it, though.’_ Laura mused as she giggled softly at Carmilla’s expression. _‘Well, maybe not_ hands _, but a few fingers or a tongue or-Not the point, Hollis! Focus!’_ She shook her head and smiled hesitantly at Carmilla. “Sorry that was…amazing, but I…eh…”

“Your rule.” Carmilla muttered guiltily. She slid her thigh out from between Laura’s and rubbed the back of her head with a sigh. “Shit. Sorry, Cupcake. That was just…nice. Really nice.” She sighed again. “I shouldn’t have…y’know…”

“No!” Laura protested, far too loudly. She blushed but quickly pushed on. “Look, I really wanted to kiss you. Both times, I promise.” She took one of Carmilla’s hands in her own. “I just lost control a bit and things went a bit too fast. It’s not you, I promise.” She raised Carmilla’s hand and kissed the back of it gently. “Okay?”

Carmilla hesitated for a moment, her eyes darting between Laura’s swollen lips and the spot on her neck she’d been lavishing with attention. “Okay, Cupcake.”

“Good. Because I really do need to go now.” She made to pull away, but suddenly a devious thought popped into her head. Before she could think on it too much, Laura leaned in and carefully sank her teeth into her date’s neck.

“Wha-ah!” Carmilla let out a surprisingly high-pitched yelp and squirmed against Laura as the tiny journalist sucked on the point where her neck met her shoulder. “What the hell, Creampuff?”

“Payback.” Laura laughed as she slipped from Carmilla’s arms and opened her car door. “My neck’s gonna be totally bruised tomorrow. Why should I be the only one to deal with that, Karnstein?” Without another word, she slipped into her car.

“You’re killing me here, Hollis.” Carmilla grumbled before the door closed.

Laura laughed again and waved at Carmilla before she pulled out of her parking spot and began the journey home. When she got home 30 minutes later, she had a few text messages.

Carmilla – You’re a lot bolder than I thought, Cupcake. Pinning me against a lamp post, biting me. I’m impressed.

Carmilla – But now I’m prepared for that, so you won’t catch me off guard during our second date.

Carmilla - Next week at 20:00? Thai food okay? Let me know, okay, Susan?

Laura squealed and hopped up and down a few times out of sheer glee before she remembered that her curtains were open and anyone who felt a passing need to glance inside could see her. Blushing, she prepared to respond when the last part hit her.

Susan.

Right, she wasn’t doing this for herself. She was supposed to be helping Lafontaine. That was sort of the whole point of this exercise. And Carmilla thought Laura was someone called Susan.

_Crap!_

Carmilla was almost certainly entirely wrong for Laf. They would get along for the first week before driving each other insane, Laura was certain.

 _‘Still…Laf doesn’t need to know that.’_ Laura mused, staring at her phone. _‘I’ll still try to find someone for them. It won’t hurt if I see Carmilla again just…y’know...for me this time.’_ And that whole identity thing could be worked out, right? It could even be funny if she explained it right.

Laura – Next week’s great! :)

Laura – don’t underestimate me, though. I always come out on top ;)

Carmilla – Hot

Laura – Not what I meant! :0

She rolled her eyes and put her phone away before she plopped down on her couch. Okay, so she had a second date with a beautiful, funny, snarky ass who thought she was a different person. Meanwhile, she also had to keep trying to find someone who was a good match for Lafontaine.

She could do that! Laura had juggled several investigations for different articles. Surely she could just test the waters with Carmilla and then explain things when it felt right. Everything would be fine.

Right?

Right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that then, Creampuffs?
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed!
> 
> Is everyone excited for the movie?! I am...though I'm also kind of wary. I've not heard great things about Almost Adults so...yeah...I guess I'm cautiously hopeful? Speaking of which, has anyone actually seen Almost Adults? Is that worth seeing? Because it seemed kind of like it was cynically using the already established chemistry between the leading actresses to draw attention to entirely different characters.
> 
> Which, granted, was probably smart considering half of the Creampuffs apparently lost their minds on Tumblr when Elise mentioned she identifies as bisexual. XD
> 
> Speaking of which, a friend of mine keeps telling me to do more with tumblr (not that I have any idea what. Advice, Creampuffs?) and tried to set up an account for me, only to realize I already had one I'd entirely forgotten about. Whoops. >.>


End file.
